When Can You Tell if Your Child is Spirited?

I get this question all the time, so I thought I would share our story and first “ah ha” moment we had when we realized our son had “more” personality.

 

My craving to learn about spirited kids, kids who challenged us, who seemed harder to parent came about after my first son was born almost 8 years ago. I came into motherhood with a pretty wide skill set and knowledge, and real world experiences about kids. I taught infants through young kids and went to school for 6 plus years learning about child development and family systems. Then, my son came into the world, and WHOA….I was not prepared for a spirited baby.

 

Back before the IG days, there were not a lot of voices out there talking about babies who struggled to sleep. These were the babies who refused to be put down drowsy but awake…Who needed safety and closeness to calm their overactive nervous system. All their was was blogs and pinterest that made me feel crazy when my baby didn’t sleep, or have any chill bone inside of him.Then, that same baby wouldn’t sit in a high chair at a restaurant like other babies might. Ours would throw toys and screech, but also was mesmerized by being out and about.

 

 

I’ll never forget one winter day, we were feeling cooped up at home, and we were so frazzled trying to keep this tiny human alive, that we drove him to a winter festival to hang out. The people, music, lights immediately calmed him down. I remember thinking, “He’s peaceful, he’s not getting into anything, he’s not having a tantrum every 15 minutes, he’s cooperating. Who is this baby??” My husband and I, at this winter festival that was overwhelming for us, were in awe watching our son thrive in this environment. Right then, watching him watch fake snow from a snow machine fall to the ground, and dancing while making friends with strangers I promised this baby one thing:

I promised him that we would harness the boy that we were watching dance at the winter festival. Not change the boy who struggles so much at home, can’t attend playdates yet, or hits other kids at preschool. In the right environment, he was illuminating the world. We discovered his untamed spirit, were learning how to guide it, and unlocked a key to his potential that day. He was truly feeling joy, rather than bottled up tension. He was being who he was meant to be, and all we did was set him up for that success at the winter festival.

I could cry thinking about that pivotal moment for us.
The irony is that right now, our family has a one year old, our third son, who is the same age as our first son when we took him to that winter festival. Watching him chill in a stroller, or a high chair without a toy or food in front of him, or even just sit…feels foreign to us. My husband and I have been used to raising two kids, who are both spicy in different ways, different flavors, who both needed us to be “ON” more often when they were babies, and still do as a young children. Our nervous systems still haven’t adjusted to raising a baby with a more mild temperament.

If you have ever felt like parenting is harder for you, or you are more burned out, I would venture to guess you have a spirited child. Sometimes temperament can be evident at birth, one year old, or the toddler years. What has been your experience? How did you “know” you were raising a spirited child?

 

 

Disclaimer: This information is not to be replaced by professional opinions 🙂