Should Children Share?

How important is sharing? Should children share? Let’s rethink how we view sharing:

The sparkling new firetruck toy with water launchers is sitting in the middle of the room. Jackson, our 1.5 year old runs to it. His older brother, Connor, who was engaged in a book, hears his squeals and looks up to notice. Connor runs towards the firetruck, sits very close to Jackson, grits his teeth and wiggles. Jackson looks at his brother and throws a water launcher across the room, squealing. As Jackson watches the water launcher land, Connor quickly grabs the firetruck and pulls it away.

Using a favorite mantra from Magda Gerber’s RIE philosophy, I let all the feelings live. That means to perceive Connor’s feelings of possessiveness over toys as normal, even therapeutic. Knowing his feelings are most likely reflecting more than sharing toys. He could be feeling powerless as his little brother is officially “on the move” or reacting to changes at home, such as the recent transition to homeschooling. My goal for siblings is to help them work together with as little intervention as possible, so we can build their voices, problem solving abilities, and innate sense of wonder.

I watched Connor pull the firetruck away from Jackson. I moved in closer to the boys in a stealth and sloth like manner because it was not an emergency. Jackson stands up, screams and stands directly over the firetruck. Connor looks up at his little brother and exclaims “its mine, Jackson!” Both boys looks at me. “You both want to play with the firetruck,” I state in a clear, quiet and anticlimactic tone, almost looking disinterested in their actions so they wouldn’t look to me for the next steps. Jackson runs to the thrown water cannon and hands it to Connor. Connor shoots the water cannon out of the firetruck and Jackson happily runs and catches it. They play this game for another 10 minutes as I back up, just as I entered, in a stealth and sloth like manner.

Can we normalize that sharing is NOT always caring? Can we re-frame the way we teach our children to share? If your child is struggling with sharing, schedule a consult with me so we can make a plan on what to say, how to act, and how to approach sharing from a mindful lens.