Bunk Bed Transition
Keep reading because this story doesn’t end as you would think!
When we found out we were pregnant with our third baby, our boys were 3 years old and 5.5 years old. Immediately we started thinking of where we would want the baby room to be, with Matthew and I both working at home. We decided that we would transition the boys to a bunk bedroom soon because of a few factors:
1. Jackson (3) was having a hard time staying in bed because he wanted us to lay with him each night. We thought that the fear of sleeping alone would resolve with two kids in one room.
2. If you follow my Instagram, you know that I speak openly about the amount of sibling conflict and jealousy between the boys. Putting them together in the same room could increase all their feel good hormones for each other and bring more positive connection, teamwork, and bonding.
3. When we are on vacation, the boys delight in sharing a room or bunk bed.
4. We gave them the option, since we do have an extra room if one of them decided they
wanted to be alone. They both were so excited to be together and we all were on board with the idea.
THE TRANSITION
Knowing we have two strong-willed, persistent boys, we tried our best to be proactive instead of reactive when making the transition. Setting your kids up for success from the start is crucial if you foresee any bumps along the way. I made two lists. One list was every expectation and rule. One list was any boundary or hurdle we foresee occurring and how we would respond. Thinking through how you will respond is crucial so your boundaries and responses do not change. If you have a partner, make sure you both are on the same page. How will you respond if one child begins singing loudly? How will your respond if one child wakes the other child up? How will you respond if they both are giggling until 10pm? Where will toys be stored?
As the bunk beds were set up, and were close to the first day of sharing a bedroom, we talked about the expectations and practiced them:
• Only Connor can climb the ladder. We practiced how he safely climbs up and down. We practiced with him (alone) what he can do and say if Jackson begins to climb the ladder.
• When they can turn their reading dim lights on and how bright they can go.
• How to stack their books on their own book shelves.
• When they could talk and giggle and when it was quiet time. We would give them about 10
minutes to talk in the beginning of the transitions because who doesn’t want to giggle when
having a sleepover!
• When to get out of bed in the morning (Hatch nightlight turns orange).
• Read in the mornings if their Hatch nightlight is orange BUT the other brother is still sleeping.
• Where to put away toys, how to work together.
WEEKS 1-6:
Just as we expected, Jackson’s amount of times getting of bed decreased to about 2/3 per night! The boys would tell each other how much they loved each other, and it was so sweet to hear their giggles over potty talk and knock knock jokes each night. Connor struggled with worrying over what Jackson would do. For example, he would yell, “Mom, Jackson is reading!
Mom, Jackson is talking to himself!” We practiced during the day with Connor on what he COULD tell us and what he could IGNORE, and how to roll over and close his eyes.
The sleeping part went pretty seamless because of all the prep, practice, and holding boundaries.
Here’s what we didn’t expect and where we had to pivot:
Each morning, the boys would wake up at the same time because they are both light sleepers and could hear each other. They would talk until their Hatch nightlight turns orange, which isn’t horrible, so we let it go. When the light was orange, they would jump out of bed and play until their Hatch light was green. They have been used to this routine for years in their own rooms. Remember when I mentioned that sibling conflict is strong? The mornings became a battle of wills in their rooms in regards to playing in a small space without adult intervention and support. Matthew and I would take turns sitting by the room in the morning to intervene when we needed, but it was constant AND we were rushed and flustered in the mornings. It wasn’t working for us.
Last week, we made the decision to put Jackson in Connor’s old bedroom during the weekdays. We moved Jackson because he was the little brother who was struggling more to self-regulate in the mornings and we could tell he was in a pattern of jumping on his brother, breaking legos, etc first thing when he woke up. Completely dysregulated out of excitement for Connor to be there and not knowing how to play appropriately.
We felt like we failed, but we also know that we will try again in a few more months since we have time before baby arrives. Since separating the boys, they both play quietly in the mornings and Jackson sleeps in. I am able to work again or exercise from 5:45-6:45am, then throw on clothes from 6:45-7:00am when they are finished with their jobs and ready to come downstairs. Mornings are peaceful and the boys are independent once again!
On the weekends, the boys sleep in the bunkbeds and yes…Matthew or I still need to be there in the mornings to supervise play. We also have a backup plan that we will implement if the morning toy battles continue. A month before baby is born we will revamp their mornings and when their hatch nightlight turns orange, they can only READ IN BED until it’s time to get up and get their morning jobs going. This will be our last minute resort, since our goal is to continue to TEACH and practice how to successfully play with each other in the same room.
I share our story in hopes that it helps you think about all the benefits of having children share a bedroom. Matthew shared a room with his step-brother and he said many of his fond childhood memories were of him and his brother making up games in their room and staying up late together as they got older. I share our story in hopes that it gives you some ideas on how to be proactive and practice all the expectations around having the privilege of a bunkbed or sharing a room. I also share this story to let you know that if you try something, and it doesn’t work out, it’s ok to stop and try again at a different time. If something isn’t working for you after awhile, it’s time to change it.
Follow this link to purchase any items from their boy’s rooms. https://liketk.it/3v06h
Follow this link to purchase the IKEA dimmable reading lights. The lightbulbs do not get hot! https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/nymane-wall-reading-lamp-with-led-bulb-white-80356987/
